Saturday, August 29, 2009

The student becomes the teacher....

I just finished up defensive driving.  I won't get into how ridiculous it was and how many hours of my life I'll never get back...that's a whole other story.

I was working off my third speeding ticket in 9 months.  I swear, it's not me.  Okay, well maybe the first one was.  It was Texas v OU weekend in Dallas and I'd played too hard at a pre-party the night before.  I was hung over driving to a wedding (no, I still haven't forgiven Clue for getting married on such a sacred day) and got lost in the play-by-play action.  I'm told I was driving 65 in a 35...and it was a construction zone...and there were workers present.  I wouldn't know; I wasn't paying attention.  The cop confirmed that info when he scoldingly told me he'd been chasing me for 2 miles with his siren on.  And, I was lucky he didn't take me to jail for "running."  Oops.

Now, for the real problem and reason I say it's not my fault.  There's a sting operation in my neighborhood.  Do you realize how embarrassing it is to get a speeding ticket for driving 40-mph from a cop on foot carrying a radar gun?  Have you ever been "waived over" while sleep-driving to work and presented with a citation?  It took two speeding tickets and being waived over a third time before I came up with a sob story that resulted in a warning.  Anyway, I digress... 

The student became the teacher today.  I began teaching my nephew to drive this afternoon. Our first lesson was short - a quick trip to the convenience store for a case of beer.  A few close calls included a police officer watching me load beer into the car with an underage boy behind the wheel and almost rear-ending a black jeep at the railroad crossing, but mission accomplished. 

Cheers.  I think I'll have another.  and another.  and another.

Monday, August 24, 2009

One of my favorite views...

I do. Wait. Never mind. I don't.

I found out this afternoon that Sally* has been giving 75% of her monthly income to her husband Bill*.  She gets do to "whatever she wants" with the other 25%.  Apparently, she has to pay for the privilege of being married to the douche nozzle.  Am I the only person that has a problem with this???

Perhaps I'm jumping to conclusions.  Let's dissect the facts. 
  1. Bill is a doctor
  2. Bill moved his practice and lived away from Sally for several years and left her to take care of everything while he was away
  3. Sally mails a check to Bill each month (He just moved back...I wonder if she'll leave the cash on the night-stand now).
  4. Oh, did I mention it's a disability check and she keeps a whopping $500?
  5. Really?  Do you really need to hear anymore?
I guarantee Bill never discussed this arrangement with Sally pre-wedding.  She would've realized what an SOB he is and left him at the altar.

Bill, you suck.

*Names have been changed to protect the lame and the innocent.