Signs of a Powerful Creator

It's new year's eve.  I'm sitting in my favorite chair, relaxing for the first time in what seems like weeks.  I'm sliding into 2011 with my dogs barking, my back aching, my mind swimming...and I'm giddy as a school girl. 

This year has taught me that I am a powerful creator and when I want something, it's okay to believe I deserve it and when I believe I can have it, I can...and I do.

I just looked out the window, but instead of seeing my favorite porch and ginormous backyard, I'm gazing out onto the ever-changing backdrop of downtown Austin.  I barely made it, by the skin of my teeth, I think they say...but I did.  I accomplished my 2010 new year's resolution - to balance and simplify my life.

I hung a cute, albeit cheap - er, inexpensive - metal sign up in my walk-in closet last January.  It had one word written on it - Simplify.  I repeated that word everyday, multiple times a day all year long.  I talked to my family about it.  I promised my friends I'd do it.  I'm sure people thought I was like the drunk girl that tells the same story over and over at the party.  "Yeah, yeah, Jo.  You said that already.  We've heard this story before."  Don't get me wrong, I've totally been that girl at the party before, so I'm not judging. (Well, maybe a little.  It's horrifying to watch, huh?)  I'm just trying to make a point.  This was different.  This was good (and sober).  It felt great to dream about, to plan for and to talk about.  It added a certain spice to my life and a hopeful point-of-view on the world that just made me an altogether happier person.  So, to all of my friends and family that listened to me all year long go on and on and on about simplifying my life...I am not sorry I talked your ear(s) off.  And, I thank you for listening, encouraging and inspiring me.

I enjoyed a wonderful year of traveling with some of my dearest friends and met charming people from all of the world along the way.  I had no idea when I started the year, that I'd have a place to lay my head in Poland, Australia, England, Ireland or Canada if the need ever arose.  I'm creating my very own global wolf pack and I plan to continue...

March of 2010 marks the first time in my life that I took a true two-week vacation and didn't look at email, check voicemail, or call-in to the office.  Those were two of the best weeks of my life...truly.  So much so that I took a second two-week vacation in October.  Taking time to stop and smell the roses in other parts of the world made me want to hunker down, hone my writing skills and take off to explore the world as a globetrotting short story writer. 

I vowed to live in downtown Austin by the first of the year, although at Thanksgiving there was still no sign that it would possibly happen.  Speaking of sign, that's what turned it all around.  A sign.  A simple sign that read FOR RENT.  I placed the sign in my yard the day before Thanksgiving.  I'd given up on the Craigslists and Facebooks of the world and vowed to make this happen some other way.  By Sunday, December 5, I'd met the family who would rent my home.  They were perfect, just like I knew they would be. 

The following day, I found my condo...my perfectly cozy, uniquely me, new digs in the heart of downtown Austin where I spend all of my days and most of my nights.  I'm roughly six blocks from work (0.5 miles), nestled up to Town Lake and stumbling distance away from my favorite bar scene in town.  Of course, cozy equates to small and small equates to minimal and minimal equates to simple and simple equates to my goal.  I had less than one month to reduce 2,000 sq ft of stuff to 741 sq ft of things that were truly meaningful to me and my life.

The idea of dealing with strangers on Craigslist and selling things I'd collected over the past 34 years seemed grueling and meaningless.  In order for me to do anything great, it needs to be fun, so I decided to give everything away.  My couch, rugs, coffee table, end tables, night stands, refrigerator, bed, desk, chairs, hammock, grill, smoker, paintings, cookware, decor, linens, lots and lots and lots of clothes....all of it.  I gave it away to friends, family and to underprivileged children.  I underestimated how good it would feel - the act of truly giving selflessly...without the want or expectation of anything in return - and I'm still savoring it.  It honestly was my favorite part of 2010 and something I'll never be able to do again or else I'll be living in a cardboard box under I35. 

As I was packing up the things most important and most comforting to me, I came to that sign in my closet.  Simplify.  I held the sign in my hand, thanked it for it's steadfastness and placed it in the goodwill box.  After all, keeping the sign would've gone against everything it stood for.  The dreamer in me pictures someone browsing the thrift store and stumbling upon the simple, little sign sitting amongst a bunch of useless nicknacks.  She picks it up (it'll most likely be a she), it speaks to her, and she takes it home and her thoughts become things...just like mine.

First Class, Up in the Sky

As we sat on the runway at LAX waiting to depart for Melbourne, VIC, I looked around at my fellow passengers whom I'd be spending the next 16 hours with. I was in the middle seat, in the very back section of the lower level. I noticed the last row was 88 so naturally I felt compelled to do the math. I leaned up, looked across the row. Three seats on the left. Four in the middle, where I sat. Three seats on the right. 10 seats times 88 rows = 880. WTF? There were more people sitting on this plane with me than were in my hometown growing up! That didn't even count the business class and first class seats on the upper level. This plane was massive, but I felt claustrophobic.

Qantas A380

It was 11:30p so this night owl wasn't quite tired yet. I decided to watch a movie before I popped my sleeping pill, silenced the world with my hot pink earplugs, and strapped the eye pillow with silky stars and moons across my face. Yes, I look ridiculous when I fly.

I ended up watching 3 movies on the flight over, but the first was Sex and The City II. Shan, Mon and I were supposed to go watch that together when it came out...Life got in the way so I found myself watching it sandwiched between an overweight 40-something man and a sweet little 70-something woman. During the course of the 16-hour flight, I caught both of them watching the movie as well. I wanted so bad to watch the little old lady watching some of Samantha's racier scenes, but I fell asleep. Thank you Ambien CR for helping me avoid an awkward moment somewhere over the Pacific Ocean.

I have to rave about Qantas. The food. Fantastic. The snacks. Never-ending. The service. Top notch. In-flight entertainment technology. thebomb.com. The booze in coach. Free flowing.

Maybe it was the combination of red wine, Xanax and Ambien or maybe it was the fact that I was on my way to see a very delicious Aussie, but that 26-hour trip halfway across the world to another hemisphere was as doable as the Aussie.

You had me at "hello."

Crystal sends me my horoscope on occasion...mostly when I'm feeling less than my best, getting bogged down in the details or just anxious about something particular. I was having one of those days yesterday.

She sent me this:

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Focus on what's small and slippery, Leo. Turn your gaze away from what's big and obvious. Exult in the salamander on the rock and a friend who has a new trick and the guilty pleasure you just discovered; excuse yourself from obsessing about the state of the economy, the meaning of life, and the clash between science and religion. Your pleasurable duty is to love what's in the midst of changing, and not fixate on trying to make arrangements that will supposedly last forever. Don't just grudgingly attend to the mercurial details; dive in as if playing with them were your central purpose.

I dig it when the Universe crafts the perfect message for us and then delivers it in the most peculiar of ways. Sometimes it's in an email from your sister. Other times it's in a conversation you overhear in an elevator or an interaction you see across the street while sitting in traffic on your way home from work. Occasionally it's even in losing something (or someone) you love.

It feels a little trippy at first when the message sent is received. Of course, the more you think about and process how everything and everyone is connected it blows your fuckin' mind. Life is a fascinating voyage. How could you not LOVE that?!?

Oh, Universe! You complete me.

My Dearest Sadie

I remember the day we met. It was Thanksgiving weekend and I was less than enthusiastic about making a pit stop in a trailer park in the backwoods of East Texas. However, when I got out of the car you hobbled over on your three good legs so happy to have company. It was love at first site. A few hours later I'd convinced the idiots inside the trailer to let me take you home so I could give you the life you deserved. That was one of the best decisions I've ever made.

You and Leo were fast friends and the best snuggling duo I'd ever seen. Before long I couldn't fathom how I'd lived my life without you. I'll always cherish those lazy afternoons when the three of us would squeeze into my cozy over-sized chair. I'd watch movies with the volume a little too loud and Leo would snore like a grown man. But not you...you snored like a delicate flower. After we lost Leo you're sweet little snore brought me comfort. Thank you for that.


I know Leo was always an attention hog and you were always willing to play second fiddle. When we were sitting together on the couch he'd just plop down on your head and make you move. I would get so mad at him, but you'd just sigh that heavy sigh of yours and move without a fuss. You only fought with Leo about things that mattered most - breakfast, dinner and the snacks in between. You were Miss Independent. And when it came to love and affection things were always on your terms. It would drive me crazy when you'd sit just out of reach of me and paw at me to pet you. I'd ask you to move closer, but you wouldn't budge (or you'd move to the opposite end of the couch). I always repositioned myself closer to you to give you love. You knew I would. Every time. You stubborn little shit. Crystal and Mom always remind me that you and I are the same. I think the Universe just knew we'd "get" each other and made sure we crossed paths.



The last 10 months of your life meant so much to me. We both missed Leo and I know it was a hard transition for the two of us. Your sweet face and affection kept me from losing my mind. I'm so very thankful I had the opportunity to shower you with the love and attention you'd deserved your whole life. I broke all of my rules with you and thank goodness I did! If I'd have known how little time we'd have together I would've let you sleep with me every single night. I loved our road trips. I was sad to take your little purple blanket and leash out of my car a few days ago. (This picture was your second to the last trip to the vet...The last one was really scary).


You might have been born in the trailer park, but you were a star and people loved you. I enjoyed taking you places so much. You always made friends, acted like a lady and were the center of attention. Those are three things you just can't teach...you've either got it or you don't. Sadie, my dear, you had "it" and you didn't need a pedigree to prove it!


It's been a hard transition living without you. I spilled rice on the kitchen floor last week and fully expected you to jingle over and hoover it up. It took me 10 minutes to find a broom and another 5 to figure out how to use it. When I get home from work in the afternoons I miss rounding the corner and seeing your pretty face pop up off of your orange bed. I miss "woohoo-ing" because we're so excited to see each other. I miss telling you every morning, "Good-bye Sadie. Mama loves you. You be sweet today." I miss the way you sat on your fat little butt.


Sadie Louise Nuding, you have brought more joy to my life than I can ever say. My heart is bursting with love for you and I am eternally grateful for the 10 wonderful years we spent together. I'm excited to meet up again in our next life. Until then, good-bye Sadie. Mama loves you. Give Leo sugars for me and y'all be sweet.

Sadie's big debut

Okay, so maybe it's not that big, but Sadie's picture is being used on a hip little Austin pet store's website. http://www.austinloftydog.com/index.shtml

Dear Princess Tawanda:

It has been brought to my attention yet again that I'm too awesome to date. I'm too good, yet again, for another man in my life. Don't misinterpret...these are not my words. I don't believe that I'm too 'outstanding' - too 'successful' - too much of a 'bad ass' - too 'strong' - or 'too good' for anyone. Who knew when I was a little girl my Daddy should have told me to tone down my awesomeness or I'd grow up to be a beautiful, lonely woman. Shame on him.

Surely I'm not alone.?.? I can't be the baddest mother fucker out there, can I? (I felt sure Oprah Winfrey or Ana Kournikova would hold said title.) When I finish writing this I'm going to Wikipedia myself. As I'm told, the first word I'll find next to my name is outstanding. Following that will be amazing, intelligent, the smartest person he knows (granted, I'm not so sure that one will stand up in a court of law), confident, hilarious, interesting, beautiful and the ability to make him putty in my hands (that one is kind of fun). If that's the case, I'll accept my reign as baddest mother fucker on the planet and wear my crown with pride. I guess it really is lonely at the top.

Wait a minute...Does this mean I can finally register at Nordstrom's and be the one receiving the party and lavish gifts for the first time in my life?!?! Hmmmm. Maybe this isn't so bad after all.

My dearest, thank you for letting me bend your ear. And my apologies on the infrequency of my correspondence. You know it's hard out here for a pimp.

Your gracious and loving pen-pal,
Anna Danna

Holiday - Amsterdam - Part II

My apologies to Shanda for the delay in sharing this post. I've been too busy playing the role of important marketing executive and all-around mover and shaker. I vow to be better.

Now...for the rest of the story. And, I'm making this more photo montage, less words...because frankly I don't remember a lot.

Leslie, Tayar and I bellied up to a little bar to thaw out and formulate a plan. There we met Terrence, the sweet, young bartender who gave us the clif's notes on public transportation and the fastest route to the red light district.
Our first stop in the red light district was, you guessed it, a coffee shop. Tayar and I tasted the local fare and the rest is history.

Stoner's Paradise
More local fare...
C-Team Sex Show...To protect the innocent I'll tell you the story in person.
Followed by the A-Team Sex Show across the canal...more stories I will not put in print (until I publish my book).

I don't have a picture of our cab driver that got arrested for hitting a bike cop with his car. It all happened so fast I didn't dare reach for my camera when they began pepper spraying him in the face and bitch slapping him out of the cab. I also failed to capture a hot pic of Leslie pushing the police chief in the chest asking him, "Does that hurt? 'Cuz that's how hard the car hit her." *sigh* I miss all the good stuff.

When No One Is Looking

I dance and jump around the kitchen singing to Sadie that "I can have wine if I want to...I'm a grown-up."

skype me? skype you!

I typed this while being entertained by two of my best friends last night. It doesn't matter how old they get, boys will be boys.

Willie: (looking at Carl) He's got good ass soccer ass legs. Look at these legs. Do the leg thing.

Carl: What? (flexing with the foot twist) That right there? I've got soccer legs for sure.

Willie: (looking at self) These legs are actually pretty good. I can't even tell you how many compliments I've had on these ankles. (running in place)

Carl: Is he double-dutching? What is that? Kolo can do it.

(Willie's dog Sydney begins humping Carl..Carl humps her back)

*sigh*

I'm sitting on the porch in my white ski jacket missing the wolf pack.

Holiday - Amsterdam - Part I

The morning started off a little rocky. I was ready to roll before Tayar and Leslie so I went out to buy us coffee before we took a car to the airport. I asked the little old woman at the counter if they had take away cups (nobody knows what to go cups are in London...or A'dam or Dublin for that matter). I mean honestly, how can you NOT understand that. I understand take away cup. Why can't you understand to go cup. Irritating as hell...but I digress. The sweet little lady said 'yes' so I ordered the lattes. When she handed me the three small styrofoam cups I noticed the lids didn't have that little perforated peel back area to drink through. The lattes were cheap. It was early. She was old. I didn't have the strength to complain. I brought them back to my travel companions only to get an earful of shit about the lids. Leslie spilled 75% of her latte on herself, Tayar and the car on the way to the airport. By the time we arrived at Heathrow she and Tayar smelled like a Starbucks and were as sticky as a couple of barefooted kids at the Wrath of God HEB.

They got cleaned up, we made it through security and found our gate. We were perplexed to find that not only did our gate have doors, but said doors were also locked. We hung outside the locked doors for 30 minutes and scarfed down convenient store sandwiches (perfect for a hangover, disgusting if you're sober). Airline personnel in funny top hats finally let us in and we took a seat in the waiting room (which had seating for approximately 200 people - so why in the hell were we locked out for so long with no place to sit??? It was really strange.). Tayar and I sat down beside each other, Leslie across from us. In my peripheral vision I noticed Jesus' doppleganger approaching. (Jesus' doppleganger was headed to A'dam? I guess it only makes sense that Jesus' doppleganger likes to party. I wondered if we'd see him in a coffee shop later that day smoking hash. We didn't. Two thumbs down.) I knew Leslie noticed him, too. We had a conversation about it without saying a word. Those are the best, aren't they?!?
After a short 50 minute flight (power nap) we arrived in A'dam. Contrary to popular belief, the first item on the agenda was a trip to the Anne Frank House.

Anne received a diary on her 13th birthday where she began writing her deepest of thoughts. The profound insight that little girl had about humanity is truly staggering. She gave the diary to her father every evening for safe keeping. He promised to never read it...and he didn't until after her death. During the tour there was a video clip of Otto, Anne's father, discussing his feelings after reading the diary. He spoke of the wonderful relationship he always had with Anne and the discussions they would have. He knew she was a smart child and believed he was close to her, but upon reading the entries of Anne's diary he came to the conclusion that parents never truly know their children. The idea, of course, saddened him. I walked out of the AFH with tears in my eyes. In the grand scheme of things, I guess nobody ever truly knows anybody else. Those deepest of feelings, fleeting thoughts and crazy ideas that we keep to ourselves are part of what defines us as people. Sharing those things would make us more vulnerable than we already are. Hell, I censor myself on my own blog that I'm not sure anybody reads. The idea that no one will ever truly know me...all of me...feels lonely.

If you've never read The Diary of Anne Frank, read it. If you read it when you were in high school, I encourage you to read it again. Her thoughts and ideas are light years ahead of her time and wise beyond her years. That's powerful stuff.

It took a 20 minute, freezing-cold walk to shake off the heaviness of that experience and jump back into my party pants. The rest of my time in A'dam is a bit of a blur. I'll try to get a grasp of what happened via pictures and get back with you soon.

Holiday - London

First stop on my and Leslie's adventure abroad was to spend the week in London with my friend Tayar. We arrived at Heathrow at 8am on a Saturday and hopped in a black cab and took off to Chiswick (pronounced Chiz ick) to drop our things at Tayar's flat. The three of us had breakfast and took off for city centre to do some site seeing. It's a good thing we did, most of the rest of our time in London was spent inside pubs. Of course, I like to view things from a local's perspective and you definitely don't find many of those loitering at Buckingham Palace. We perused the art at the National Gallery, walked through Trafalgar Square, took a photo opp on the Millennium Bridge and rode on the London Eye to capture amazing views of the city.

I took this pic for Leo.

After much walking around it was time to hit our first pub so we black cabbed it back to the W4 (Chiswick) and met up with Tayar's friend Coggs. He's one of four or five Aussie's Tayar runs around with. They are an amazing group and I'm happy to have made their acquaintance. So many times I get shushed and am asked to please use my "inside voice." Or, I'm told I've embarrassed someone by something I've said or done. The Aussies were refreshing...they're as gritty as I am. By the end of our first night, the Aussie's had joined our wolf pack. :)
We had dinner at amazing restaurants every night, but my favorite dining experience was at The Pilot. Tayar and his friends gather at this neighborhood pub each week for the traditional Sunday roast. All of them are transplants to London so they've become each others family. It's such a beautiful concept that I'd love to start with my friends in Austin. We had pork roast, purple cabbage, roasted parsnips, carrots, potatoes...Sunday goodness...Amen.

Me & Leslie

Tim & Tayar


Libby & Coggs

Libby and I were cut from the same cloth...I heart her!

When everyone went back to work on Monday, Leslie and I spent a few days exploring London on our own. I successfully navigated the tube (it's not that hard and way slower than the subway in NYC) and we spent one afternoon checking out Camden Market and another gawking at Buckingham Palace, Westminster Abbey, Big Ben, Parliament, etc.

We spent our last night in London hopping around a few pubs in the W4 with the wolf pack (sans Libby...she was sick...I'm still bummed we didn't get to say goodbye). Fun night. Unforgettable trip.

Countdown to Londontown...and A'dam.

I've been busting my butt all week preparing to leave town for a 2-week vacation and it's making me crazy. I've always been a "work smarter not harder" kind of gal. These 12-hour days have me consuming way too much wine every evening. And turning off my brain when I go to bed??...forgetaboutit. If I worked this hard EVERY week you'd have to put me in a padded cell.

My note from The Universe this morning was so on point I had to smile as I was checking my blackberry while hiding under the covers not ready to face the day. I hit snooze, snuggled down and gave myself 10 more minutes of some crazy ass dream because of it. Thank you Universe, you always know just what to say!

Of all the things that matter, Johanna, that really and truly matter, working more efficiently and getting more done is not among them.

Chill,
The Universe

And, quite accidentally, Johanna, such an appreciation leads to greater efficiency and more productivity. Not that that really matters.

BIG DAY FOR THE JOJO

I'm officially debt-free today. (Aside from my mortgage and car payment, but I'll always have one of those and I'm a-okay with that). No more credit cards to pay off. No major appliances. No flat screens. No furniture. I'm even square with the mob and all of my dealers.

Zero. Zip. Zilch. Nada. Niets. Rien. Nichts. Niente.

*sigh*

A rainy night, a cozy fire, Sadie girl snuggled up by my side...this is one of my favorite things. I am happy.

Daily Law of Attraction

Be easy about it. Don't rush into things. Savor them more.

Make more plans and be more deliberate and specific about the plans that you are making, and in all that you do, let your dominant intent be to find that which pleasures you as you imagine it.

Let your desire for pleasure, your desire for feeling good, be your only guiding light.

As you seek those thoughts that feel good, you will always be in vibrational harmony with the Energy that is your Source.

And under those conditions, only good can come to you, and only good can come from you.

--- Abraham

A reminder from The Universe

Give beyond reason, care beyond hope, and love without limits.

Letters from the road...I love you, Sissy!

Faded.

We're staying in Vancouver, WA,
about 9 miles from downtown Portland.

Yesterday, we went to the Chinese Garden
and the Japanese Garden, had lunch in Portland.

Cody rented a car for us
and they have a TomTom GPS.
I don't agree with big brother,
but that shit is the deal.
We've been going all over the place.
Look it up on the internet,
put the address in,
there you are.

On the way home we stopped at Up In Smoke,
the best head-shop in Potland, (Portland, ha!)
and it totally is.
We were just picking up a small pipe,
he gave us 2 pipes, 2 lighters, 2 little tupperware cup keychains,
2 spoofers, 2 incense and 2 bags to put every thing in.

Then a guy comes in saying Portland has the best lotion
in the world, besides Alaska and Denmark.
I say, "I'm ready now" and he pulls out a
tupperware full of lotion.
So I tossed out a $10
and we hit home on the GPS.

Dinner at Sapphire Hotel, AMAZING.
Can't wait to tell you all about it.
http://www.thesapphirehotel.com/

This morning, after moisturizing,
we went to the Zoo and it is amazing.
We met Cody and Kyle for lunch at
Po'Shines Cafe De La Soul - a soul food cafe.
Delish.

Then, ran and picked up
our pre-ordered lotion
so.......
it's pretty much ON for the next day
and a half, to get this to a manageable,
transportable amount. wink.

I love you!

Can't wait to see you and show you our pictures!

XOXO

-C

I got your resolution right here.

BALANCE in 2010.

Balance my diet.

Balance my work and personal life.

Balance my time at the bar and my time at the gym.

Balance my time with family with that of friends.

Balance on one leg with my eyes closed while rubbing my stomach, patting my head and reciting the lyrics to Bubble Toes.

Where's Waldo?!?

I spotted Waldo's doppleganger at the Phoenix concert at La Zona Rosa in December.

res-o-lu-tion

I promised Donna I'd tell her my New Year's resolution by sundown on New Year's Day. Since that never happened I wasn't sure if I was even eligible to make one. Does anyone know the ruling on that???

I remember standing in line at Furr's Cafeteria with my Bunny (grandmother) when I was a kid. She told Buffy (that's right...I have a Bunny and a Buffy) and me we could order whatever we wanted, but to not let our eyes get bigger than our stomachs. I learned a valuable lesson that day as I was forced to consume massive amounts of food (and further the epidemic of childhood obesity in this country). From my point-of-view, a New Year's resolution is just another opportunity to bite off more than you can chew. Less than 10% of the population ever realizes their resolution anyway. That being said, I think it's also important to point out that 47% of statistics are made up on the spot.

I think resolutions would have a bigger chance of sticking if people got to choose which definition they wanted to use:

1. resolution (n) - a firm decision to do or not to do something (This seems so black and white and I've worked hard to live my life in shades of gray).

2. resolution (n) - the action of solving a problem, dispute, or contentious matter (I do this ALL DAY EVERYDAY...I'm personally leaning toward this definition).

I resolve to have a New Year's resolution by the end of the week.

Now, leave me alone and let me think...